Things coaches and runners say and what they really mean

Runners often wonder what their coaches actually mean when they say certain things, and vice versa. Both have large repertoire of sayings that they use when they want to talk in code language. Often they say one thing and mean another. To clear up any confusion this article is a handy guide to help you interpret what coaches and runners really mean.

Things coaches say and what they really mean:

1. “You have lots of potential – there’s nothing a brain transplant couldn’t fix.
2. “Where do you think you can improve?” – you are so bad I’ve run out of ideas, I’m stumped, over to you.
3. “Well tried” – you failed miserably.
4. “We’re nearly done” – there is at least 20 more laps.
5. “I want you to pick up the pace in the next rep” – if you went any slower I’d give you a deck chair.
6. “I want you to attack this hill on your next rep” – if you went any slower you would fall backwards down the hill.
7. “When you get tired remember your form” – you look like you are fleeing a zombie apocalypse.
8. “We’re going to keep the pace nice and fast today” – you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.
9. “Tomorrow we have a recovery session” – only if you survive what I’m going to give you today, hospital counts as recovery.
10. “You’ve trimmed down a lot” – You really needed to trim down. A lot.
11. “That race plan you are following looks interesting” – whoever wrote that is on drugs.
12. “We missed you at training” – we absolutely gave it to you behind your back and called you all things under the sun.

Things runners say to coaches and what they really mean:

1. “I can’t come to training for a while because of problems with my eyesight” – I can’t see myself getting out of bed in the cold and dark of winter.
2. “Thanks for the session coach” – I hate you and I hope you die.
3. “I think I’m coming down with something” – I drank a whole carton of beer this weekend, and a bottle of vodka.
4. “I can’t come to training, really busy this week” – I’m trying to catch up to the latest series of Suits on Netflix.
5. “Can’t come because I’m nursing an injury” – I injured my liver by drinking too much wine.
6. “Just trying to juggle a few things” – running is getting in the way of my partying and something had to give.
7. “I slept through my alarm” – I hit snooze. A few times.
8. “The weather report said there would be thunderstorms” – I really wished there could have been thunderstorms.
9. “Sorry I had problems with my equipment” – I didn’t charge my Garmin and if it isn’t on Strava it won’t count.
10. “I’d rather not do this beep test because my knee is sore” – the last time we did a Beep test I nearly died, no thank you.

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